The DIY Bride: Kara's Vineyard Podcast

We officially have a dress shell and are currently pulling together some details that will be crucial before moving onto "decorating." The plan right now is to use the overlay from my Mother's wedding dress as the overlay on my dress. We have run into some complications trying to get the overlay to fit the right way but while we have been brainstorming how to solve that problem, I've been doing some other planning to keep me from being too anxious about the next steps of dress creation.

Once the overlay problem has a solution I'll write a post all about how we solved it. In the meantime I thought I would share some of the great resources I've been using for other parts of the wedding. When we first got engaged last June, all I could think about was the wedding and how excited I was to start planning. Being the Podcast Junkie that I am, I went looking for something to listen to while I walked and worked that would give me some good ideas. After scouring iTunes, I found one but it wasn't really my style. I couldn't get into it and abandoned my search. In January I felt compelled to try again and in looking for the first one I tried, I found a new one! The Wedding Planning Podcast was brand new and I checked out the first episode. It was as if the wedding fairy godmothers heard my pleas and inspired Kara to start just the podcast I was looking for. Kara Lamerato is a wedding planning professional based in the San Diego area and a big part of her focus was planning that was accessible. She stressed that you don't need to spend a lot of money to have the wedding of your dreams and that there were a lot of opportunities to do things yourself. She had me at DIY.

The entire month of March, Kara did segments related to different aspects of DIYing your wedding. She covered flowers, catering, decor and so much more. I felt like I found my DIY wedding planning soul-mate. I couldn't help but write in to tell her about this whole DIY Dress endeavor because if there was ever going to be another human being to completely understand my DIY mission, it was Kara. She read and responded to my email right away with sweet encouragement and then gave me an awesome shout out on the podcast that made my whole day. She has made me feel like I'm part of a community of brides who would rather do it themselves and on the days when you're struggling to work something out, that can make all the difference.

It wasn't until I listened to the podcast that I realized how DIY the wedding was turning out to be. So far the list of things we are DIYing includes our catering, venue prep and decorating, the dress, the decorations, the Save the Dates, the invitations, and even the music until the band arrives to take over.
Finding a resource that was objectively focused on ways to plan a beautiful, personalized wedding without overspending was amazing because sometimes I've felt a little like a cheapskate when it has come to dealing with vendors. I know so many great wedding vendors in the area that really do offer incredible experiences and service. Having come from a small part of the wedding industry myself when I worked for a jeweler, I understand that the vendors that do this for a living in my area are really great people and they are passionate and are great at what they do. My decision to do-it-myself is partly because I like that I get to hand craft this awesome celebration of our love. There are so many little details that feel like inside jokes of our life together that we get to let everyone in on for one day in August. I'm sure that I could find great vendors that would help me make this personal on a budget but I like getting my hands dirty.

I don't have it in me to pay for something I'm relatively sure I can have more fun doing myself. I really think that is the key. At first we were going to borrow the chairs we needed from a local organization that wouldn't have charged us anything. We would have had to drive out to get them and bring them back and accounting for the distance and time sacrifice and all it would demand of us on the weekend of the wedding, we decided to rent them instead and have them delivered and then picked up. The motto of this wedding is that "If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong." If I find I'm doing it wrong, I'll rent stupid chairs and I'll like it.

I finished the design of my invitations which I also asked Kara about and she gave excellent advice in keeping it simple. I ended up just creating jpeg files in photoshop and then printing them as pictures from an online printer. There are 3 layers in 3 different sizes. The invite information is on the 4x4. RSVP info is on the 4x6 and direction info is on a 4x8 that, fun fact, came with an envelope because that size is classified as a "greeting card." Boom. Wrap the 3 layers in a paper doily and tie with string. Rock and roll.

I also had an awesome girl's day with one of my Flower Maidens, Savana. We went to Bangor and found her a gorgeous dress and some snazzy sneakers that will be perfect for wrangling Brutus down the aisle. After scoring with the dress she wanted to go back and hang out with Brutus (do you see why I love this kid?) so we brought him for a walk and had an adventure at the playground complete with playing plinko off the slide with dog treats. She would be at the top dropping them down and he'd be at the bottom snatching them up. To say we had the best day ever would be an understatement.

Getting a shout out on my favorite wedding blog, getting one of the flower girl dresses purchased, and completing the invitation design has made me feel like a wedding planning rockstar this week. If there were wedding planning Oscars, I'm not saying I'd win one but I would definitely be a hot contender... I'm clearly taunting fate to throw me a spitball and I'll regret this boastful rant... but I'm going to enjoy this feeling while it lasts.

<3 The Future Mrs. Luce
123 Days till the wedding

The Fitness

I have struggled with my weight from a really early age. Over the course of my life I have successfully lost a significant amount of weight several times only to gain it back. In 2013 I had climbed to my heaviest and vowed to make a change that would change my life, not just the shape of my body. I began a blog about my journey and over about two years I changed how I ate and began to make exercise an important part of my life. When we got engaged last June I was 50 pounds lighter. 

I wouldn't have done this any other way. I knew that when I was preparing for my wedding I wanted to focus on the parts I wanted to remember and not on how to lose the most weight before the big day. For the most part I have been successful in making that happen for myself. I still have about 15 pounds to lose before I hit my goal but summer is my best time for getting fit because the weather allows me to walk with Brutus which gets me most motivated to exercise. When the days are long we walk about 5 miles every day. It is so therapeutic and has added so much value to my life. It helps me focus on what is important.

That being said, when the days are short and I can't walk with Brutus after work, my progress falls off the map. I like to think I'm a morning person because I thought my life would include being the host of a morning radio show but since it has taken another turn I am finally admitting to myself that mornings are not all that attractive to me. The idea of them is but in practice it is so hard for me to pull myself out of bed super early to go exercise. One thing I learned about weight loss and maintenance is that you have to have an option that you actually like to do otherwise it is a chore and you're bound to fail. This winter has killed my momentum and now that the days are longer I am so excited to get back to walking.

I am starting this Spring at 170lbs... 5 pounds heavier than when I began this winter and that's not all that bad at all. By the time the wedding comes I anticipate that I will be at about 155, my original goal when I began my weight loss 3 years ago.

losing the 15pounds isn't really my goal though. I'm moving on from the number on the scale and paying attention to toning myself up. I don't care what I actually weigh on my wedding day but I do know that I want to make my arms stronger. I want to tone my stomach and build some muscle all over my body. Walking really helps me build that in my lower half so I plan to spend more time on my upper body to achieve similar results.

This wedding is about having fun and having a day with our family and friends that we remember for a lifetime. I am so excited about the photographer that will be documenting our day. He's incredible and I'll have a whole blog post all about him and his work but I am so looking forward to spending two hours with him, just Ben and me. We had a blast on our engagement shoot and I love the pictures so much. I spend so much time behind a camera that I almost never spend time in front of it but this will be the one day that I will be thrilled to be the subject and I really want to be fit. Partly this is vain because I want to look gorgeous but it is also about how I feel. I want to feel healthy and fit on my wedding day. I feel like my wedding day is the start of my new life as a new woman. I know it is symbolic and that the day after we are married we are still just the happy couple we are now but it feels like a big milestone and I want my fitness to be a part of that.

I feel like all my romantic teenage dreams are coming true and back then all I wanted was to be skinny and have the boys take notice. Today I have more than a boy, I have an amazing man who is everything I dreamed about. I don't just want to be skinny anymore, I want to be fit. I want fitness to be a part of who I am for every day of my life as a Luce. That is what is going to motivate me and make me feel like exercising isn't to make me skinny. It is to make me happy.

<3 The Future Mrs. Luce
149 Days to go

The Money

The second most common question I get when I tell people I'm making my own wedding dress is "Are you doing this just to save money?" While the money played a part in my decision, it was, by no means, the deciding factor. I had this idea way before I got engaged and knew that I wanted something unique and special. I do, however, understand the mindset of someone who is trying to cut costs and making the dress is an avenue to achieving that. I also believe, that if done right, you can have a dream dress that does not cost you an arm and a leg... I mean any hem is going to look a little awkward if you trade an arm AND a leg after you've picked the dress... Just sayin'...

What is expensive anyway? $60,000? $6,000? $600? When the object in question is a dress my direct answers to the previous 3 figures are ...."You're kidding right?", "Um.. Yeah....".. and "Uh huh!" Everyone has a differing opinion on what is reasonable to spend on a dress that result from a culmination of economic factors. For me, I am trying to make a game out of how little I can spend on the wedding and still make it a gorgeous event that will be immortalized in pictures for my life to come.

The dress that inspired my design was $600. For me, that was too much to justify spending on a dress I will wear once. It also wasn't exactly what I wanted. The beading on the dress I tried on has a triangle/diamond kind of pattern in the middle with a gawdy blingy fake gem thing that just isn't me. I could see me wanting to take that dress and make my own alterations to it but at $600 any mistake makes that option too costly. Instead, I knew that I could change that to be anything I wanted and then incorporate aspects of my mom's wedding dresses.

That being said, I know that $600 isn't actually a lot to spend for some people. I tried on other dresses at the shop that day that far exceeded that but there weren't any that were less than that. I'm sure the shop had dresses in many different price points but I didn't want cost to be the driving factor in my decision and end up with a dress that I didn't love or that didn't mean anything to me except to show off my frugal skills.

For me, making this dress is about so much more than money. It is about getting to spend time with women I love putting in a labor of love. It is about being able to take pride in the fact that it will be uniquely mine. No one else will ever have the same dress. It is about being able to personalize every aspect of this wedding down to the smallest detail. It is about spending a lot of time doing something for the wedding that feels intimate. It is about making memories of this year that I'll treasure. I'm only doing this once and I don't want the sense that I let it get me so frenzied that I forget to stop and enjoy it. In a way, this dress is about what it will be like to have a marriage. With every single sequined leaf I sew on, I'll be reminded that you have to be patient, put in a lot of work, and pay attention to details. a marriage shouldn't be about money and neither should the dress I wear to make it official. I know I'm weird by some standards but I'm not worried.

The current total on this dress is less than $250 which includes the material for the shell, lining, and overlay as well as the boning, interfacing, beading, zipper, and embellishment cording. I don't see the costs going much higher pending any major fiascoes. Instead, we have money in our budget for a live band, great food, and plenty of drinks.

I'm grateful I even have the opportunity to do this because it really is adding so much value to this whole year of wedding planning. Saving money is really just a bonus.

<3 The Future Mrs. Luce
159 days until the wedding

Phase 2- Sew You Think You Can Sew

I anticipated that this project was going to be a HUGE undertaking and I braced myself for a long process of hurrying up to wait. The real deal is that it absolutely IS a huge undertaking but breaking it into pieces has kept me fulfilled and I'm getting a heavy dose of gratification every time we get a step closer to it looking like an actual wedding dress.

I'm shocked at how seemingly quick and easy this is coming together. That is my cue to give another ginormous Thank You to Nancy for all she has done to make all of this seem like it is no sweat. I don't know if it is her experience or just her attitude for productivity but so far the phrase "easy peasy" keeps coming to mind. I'm not delusional though, I know that hard parts are on the horizon but so far I am so pleased with the progress.


I actually sewed my first stitch! Nancy did a LOT of work before I arrived and saved the "safe" pieces for me to do... you know.. because she's smart... I sewed all the pieces of the lining of the skirt with only a couple snaffoos...I sewed one seam inside out and then sewed a whole section of the lining into the rest of the lining because it got into my "sew path" without me knowing and because I was on such a roll (my new nickname is "Butter") I just blew right through and realized it about 20 stitches too late... had to tear it apart and then do it over again. A good helping of  paying attention would have gone a long way to minimize these little problems. At the end of the session you could really see how well the dress we are making resembles the one I tried on at the bridal boutique.

This blog post has been a few weeks in the making because I've wanted to make sense of the pattern and the whole process so I could explain it in a way that anyone could read through it and be able to then go make a dress of their own. I am so grateful to Nancy because without her getting this far on my own would have been a lot more taxing. As she is teaching me I want to take that knowledge and put it in this blog so that it is easily (or at least relatively easily) replicated.

Here is what I have been able to decipher about bringing a dress pattern to life: 

1. The Pattern is your Master
Before this, I had never even looked at a pattern to make clothing of any kind... (I know you're thinking "then why the hell would you want to make your own wedding dress?!" Because I'm a nutbag but mostly because Nancy was willing to be my guide. ) I wasn't sure how hard or easy it would be to figure out the instructions and what things the writers of the pattern took the liberty of assuming I knew when I actually knew nothing at all except for English... I'm pretty good at reading English...

Initially I wanted to scan in my whole pattern to show each step as I described it but then I remembered that McCall's probably has a better lawyer than I do and that is just not a wedding expense that I can really justify. Instead I'll include pictures of the pieces of the pattern that were fundamental in my understanding of how the pattern works.

~ Highlight your pattern: The pattern I am using can be used to make two different dresses. If you're in the same boat I highly recommend going through and highlighting or marking all the pieces of the pattern that are relevant to the dress you are making.

~Figure out the lingo: This might be really obvious but make sure you READ THE PATTERN before doing anything else. If you're new to this, like me, you won't understand it all the first run through but that's what the glossary and pictures are for.

For me I didn't know anything about cutting layouts, stitch names, symbols used to show cut/fold lines etc, or seam allowances. Reading through the pattern and getting comfortable with the things I didn't know was important. Here are the greatest tools when doing that:

a. Glossary
b. Sewing Information Fabric Key
c.Seam Allowance Key
d. Cutting Layout Key
e. Google (Whenever a technique or word was used that I wasn't sure what they meant but they obviously were assuming I would know what they meant, I Googled it like the modern maven I am.)

~ Gathering extra Materials: When I stressed above that you should read the pattern I need to come clean that I got away with not actually reading through my pattern carefully before writing this very post. Nancy did some of the biggest steps to get it to a point where I could start sewing. I know I've said this so many times but I am so lucky to have her. She has done so much to make this process so easy on me and I haven't had to feel like I'm going it alone at all.

When she read through the pattern though she mentioned that we needed to get some interfacing. I had no idea what she meant and she offered to find it because she knew what she was looking for. She explained that interfacing is the material used to provide shaping, reinforcement, firming and support. Generally interfacing is used for cuffs, collars, and things that need to maintain a shape but for our project, this was going to be the material that gave the top of the dress the sweet-heart look.

This wasn't on our initial list of things to obtain before getting started so we it made the "Extra Materials" list. We also added "boning" to this list of extra things we would need to proceed. I will also admit I giggled like a 12 year old boy at the thought of putting some boning into my dress... I'd make the inappropriate joke here about the dress leading to boning but...  I guess the joke just made itself anyway....

Boning is not just a term for the naughty though, I learned after giggling... It is a lot like interfacing in principle as it is used to maintain shape and give support. The pattern I am using is for a strapless dress and in that kind of dress boning is used to provide the support needed to keep the top up without straps. My dress will have straps but they are more for decoration then real support... Pardon me for saying so but my "girls" need some serious support to avoid a wedding day Janet Jackson type of incident. Unlike interfacing, it is not a fabric but strips of flexible plastic or other hard material that gets sewn into "pockets" of the dress material. Think of a corset or underwire for a bra... It's like that.

2. Cut and Match Fabric Pieces to the Pattern
In the Phase 1 post,  I talked about taking a day to cut out the pieces of the pattern that would serve as "templates" for cutting the material into the right shapes to make the dress. This is the part when those come into play.

Once you have cut the material into the shape using the pattern templates, you can match up the pieces, according to the pattern, to prepare to sew the pieces together to make the dress. The pattern walks you through this pretty clearly. The pattern doesn't call for pinning them all together first and putting them on your form but I think this step would be extremely helpful in making sure that you have all the correct pieces in the right places. It is kind of like a dress puzzle. At the end of this process you know what piece goes where and you're ready to start sewing the pieces together!!!


3. Fire up that Sewing Machine!
This is the moment we have all been waiting for! This is the part where the dress really starts to become something wearable. In my case, the 3 basic steps below, finalized the creation of the "shell" of my dress. The "shell" includes the lining (the part that touches your skin on the inside of the dress) and the shell of the outside. My dress also has a thin overlay that will be created after shell is complete that will match up exactly finalizing the dress to the point where you can begin to embellish and decorate it. Depending on the style of dress you're making this could vary but in almost all cases you'll have the lining and the outer section of the dress completed at the end of this step.

     a. Sew the Pieces Together According to your Pattern- Sew all the pieces for the top together, including the zipper, boning, interfacing, and any other things your pattern calls for so you have a complete top section. Do the same for the bottom so that you have a completed but separate top and bottom section of the dress.

     b. Make Adjustments- Once you have a top and bottom you can pin the two together and try them on to make sure that it is tailored to your body type. Since dress patterns are just a guideline, this step provides an opportunity to make tweaks so that the dress fits you specifically. Everyone is built differently so this is the part where the dress becomes custom to you and your build and will result in a well fitted gown that compliments your exact shape. This is also the time to hem the bottom of the dress based on where you want it to fall.

In my case we had to go back and adjust the length of how far the boning went down. The pattern called for the boning only to go down past the breast but when I tried it on, there was some significant puckering right where the boning ended. It looked weird. Extending the boning will smooth out the torso area.
 
     c. Sew the Top to the Bottom of the Dress- After you have made necessary adjustments you're ready to put the top and bottom together to finalize the shell of the dress. The pattern should walk you through this just as it did when you were sewing the sections together for the top and bottom.

Phase 2 Complete! Those are the basics of actually getting a dress from pattern to something that you can put on your body. The next phase for me is to attach the sheer overlay and adorn it with beautiful decorations that promise to have some fun mushy stories to share.

<3 The Future Mrs. Luce
162 Days until the Wedding

Sites I found helpful in figuring out the Nitty Gritty of this post:

http://sewing.about.com/od/interfacingandstabilizers/bb/interfacing.htm

http://www.createforless.com/buying-guides/sewing-and-quilting/boning.aspx

http://restlessgrace.blogspot.com/2013/08/10-things-to-know-about-making-my-own.html

Update on Phase 2

I have been working on the Phase 2 blog post for a couple weeks now (not including my tantrum weeks when I took a couple off just to regroup my wedding head). Progress is being made but there is so much I want to talk about and I want to take my time to make sure it all comes out understandable instead of just sewing rambling.

In the mean time, our save the date post cards have arrived and I've been collecting addresses with some success and have to start addressing those and getting them into the mail.

I hope to keep working on this phase 2 post and have it ready to post at the end of this week so we can move on to the next steps.

<3 Future Mrs. Luce
166 Days to the Wedding

Blues, You're a Buzzkill

The last time I wrote two weeks ago things were feeling a little bleak. After a really great talk with Ben and discovering a new walking path directly behind our house I was feeling much better last week but still couldn't find that fire that makes planning our wedding fun so I granted myself another week off from the planning. I know I have a very limited time left to just not do it when I'm not feeling it but when I have the time I'm making use of it.

I haven't done much with the dress since these blues have been keeping me in a choke hold. That's ok too as we have plenty of time for that and don't need to stress. Nancy did a few alterations that had us a little worried we'd made it too small but I did try it on and it wasn't too small at all. It was kind of perfect. I'm so glad to have her leadership and guidance for this project. She really has done so much of the work to pull this together and I just can't thank her enough.

This week I'm struggling with fitness. Over the last two years I've made some real progress on my fitness goals so I wouldn't have the stress of that while planning a wedding and making a dress but the thing with fitness is that its not really something you can check off your list once and put it behind you. Its a lifestyle change and this winter has made me feel like hibernating and as a result I've gained back about 10lbs. This doubles the weight I want to lose to get to my goal and that has frustrated me and has made me irritated with myself. I know it is because its winter and I'm still eating like I'm walking 5 miles a day but I'm not. I need to pump the breaks on cutting loose and get back to where I exercise a little bit every day. I sleep better. I feel better. It puts me in a better mood. It makes me feel GOOD. Why is it that something that makes all those things happen is so hard to get myself motivated to do? Because it is easier to stay in bed. It is easier to sack out on the couch with the dog. It is easier to no exercise. Easier but not better. I want better.

The other thing that has been looming over my head is actually getting our guestlist together. The list has been made and refined for a couple months now and I know all I really need to do is to get it into an excel document and start obtaining and adding addresses. I wanted our save the dates to be out by now but I've been slacking hardcore on this list prep thing. I need just need to put on my big girl pants and just f@#$ing tackle it like a boss... Nay.... like the BRIDE BOSS I am!

I still have not received any call backs from the messages I've left to try to arrange my rehearsal dinner so I'm moving on. Look, if I'm calling to book some business for you and you can't find the time or resources to call me back, that questions my confidence in whether or not you're the partner for me. Ergo I'm moving on and my newest idea is one I like the best anyway and just hope that I can make some progress with it so my mind can look forward to how awesome its going to be instead of wondering if I'm just getting my hopes up for nothing.

My next post will contain more dress things. I'm starting to feel like we are getting back on track.

<3 The Future Mrs. Luce
Week 7

The Blues- I Don't Mean Pantone...

I just sat here for 5 whole minutes trying to find a cute way to tie "The Blues" and "Something old/new/borrowed/blue" together because this week has been the first time that making plans feels like a chore. Nothing I came up with made me feel any better which obviously means there isn't a cute way to do it. Even before we got engaged my wedding motto was "If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong." I'm clearly doing something wrong this week because it hasn't been any fun at all. I know when I get like this I have to take a little step back and wait for it to feel dreamy again.

Photo courtesy of evcilikhayati.wordpress.com

I have looked forward to the process of planning this wedding for a really long time. We were together for 8 years before our engagement and I knew I wanted to marry him after the first one. I promised myself when we finally decided to do it that I would ENJOY it. I wouldn't fret about small details and I wouldn't worry about the things that won't matter after 5 years of our marriage. So far this has worked great. This week though, work has been taxing and I feel like the housework is closing in around me which makes it nearly impossible for me to focus on anything else. This week I just can't muster excitement that usually comes so easily. Usually wedding planning makes me feel productive and awesome but this week I feel stuck.

I've been trying to come up with a good plan for our rehearsal dinner. I've had a few ideas I really liked but no one seems to be calling me back after I leave messages and that's pretty frustrating. I have also decided to do the invitations myself and I have some ideas there but I'm trying not to get carried away with making them so complicated that I'm setting myself up for failure. I know my limits and I need to make sure I stay within them.

The dress is coming along great and I'll be posting more details about that soon but in the mean time I'm trying to pull myself out of this hole I've found myself in. I've been having some back pain that I'm associating with my new exercise routine and that makes it harder to stick to and I haven't been able to find a good mood. Its weeks like this I wished my friends were closer. All the awesome girls in my life that could help pull me out seem so far away. This is not their fault as Boston, Hawaii, Georgia, Alaska, Greenville, and even Bangor and Portland are not moving any closer to Skowhegan anytime soon. It is amazing what I believe could be solved over a cup of coffee with any one of the girls I miss so much on a regular basis. It is weeks like this I'm jealous of all those brides who conned 8 girls to be in their wedding party and assume it is their right to make their bridal problem the whole bridal party's problem. To be fair, I've never been a bridesmaid under a Bridezilla like that but weeks like this I kinda get it.

I know this week is going to pass and I'll eventually get the invitations and the rehearsal dinner worked out and the day itself will be worth 100 weeks of the blues. Until then I'll just keep wishing I had 3 weeks of paid vacation time I could take in a row to clean my house top to bottom, go on long walks with the dog, peruse Pinterest for hours, and go on coffee dates with all the friends I'm missing. I'll keep wishing that money was no object to happiness and that I could keep this job I love but only have to come in a few hours a week and have it pay all my bills. I'll keep wishing for time to be my bitch.

I'm sure every bride goes through this in some way or another.. I mean Bridezillas don't birth themselves.... I just have to take a deep breath, look ahead to the weekend, and remember that when you're doing it wrong just stop and when you start again there is a whole new potential for everything to start going right again... or at least potential for someone to answer my damn emails.

<3 The Future Mrs. Luce
Week 5